Parents Q&A

Question:

I'm wondering how you feel about allowance? Also, I'd like to know how to deal with my children when they want so much for Christmas and I can't afford it. They see some of their friends and relatives getting whatever they want.

Answer:

Question:

Do you know what website I could go to or give me some information on how to control my daughter (mouth).She is very verbal when she gets upset. I am divorced, but have been remarried for 5 years, and she is Basically very rude to step father who is more than generous to her, and she still treats him nasty, and in public she is nasty when she gets embarrassed or if things don't go her way. Is it the age, or is the divorce, do I need to get her to counseling, or is this something I can try to fix at home.

Since you did not give me specific behaviors, I can only give you a general answer. I don't know what your behavior is like, but as a therapist, I often found that when the parents calmed down so did the children. Parents with hyper children have found that all of the suggestions we make in our Positive Discipline books are the most effective methods to use with these children. It is never easy with hyper children, but repsectful methods can be effective.

Help I want her to be happy.

Thanks.

Question:

I discovered your books about a year ago. I have been trying to implement the positive discipline methods. I love your belief that mistakes are opportunities to learn.

Q. My son (Talen) currently attends a Catholic school. He is in the Kindergarten. He has a very strong personality and wants his way ALL of the time in class and wants to do things in his own time. He gives his teacher a hard time and sometimes gets very angry (arms tightly crossed over his chest, red face, crying). This is the problem: About 3 weeks ago, 4 boys in his class were "acting up" (including my son), and they were all reprimanded in front of the entire class by their teacher.

I am a parent of a 6 yr. old boy in the first grade who has had a few occasions of being reprimanded for talking during class. This happened this past week and his desk was moved away from the other students (along with 3 other class talkers). I felt that this consequence was acceptable and made sense. What happened next is what is unacceptable to me. Later in the afternoon there was a birthday party and the birthday girl's mom brought in cupcakes, chips and drinks for the kids.

Q. My ten-year-old daughter speaks with an angry, irritated, tone of voice most of the time. We have discussed it with her. And she says she does not want to talk to us this way--yet the habit persists. We feel we talk to her with respect.The things we have tried include, discussions in family meetings, and having her try it again, i.e., say it again respectfully. Still very little progress.In fact, it seems to be getting worse. She is an extremely polite, kind spoken, and sweet child to her friends, other parents, teachers, etc.

Dear Jane,

Wow, thank you so much for the good advice on how to respond to the name calling.Your approach is very sensible.I have taken the RCB and Developing Capable People classes and have found them to be very enlightening.

Question:

Recently my 7 ½ year old son had a friend for a sleep-over. While I was downstairs they were lying in the same bed. They kept acting up so bad that finally I separated and made them sleep in separate beds. The friend was very hyper so I lay down with him and talked with him until he calmed down and went to sleep.