Parents Q&A

Question:

I am a newcomer to Positive Discipline and am thoroughly enjoying the lessons I'm learning each day and week. I am the mother of a 2.5 year old girl and am expecting another baby in May. I am a stay at home mom, and my husband works out of the home, so we're both around all the time. My approach to parenting up to now has been a combination of a Mary Poppins "firm but fair" style and utilizing the same techniques my parents used with me which were consequential in nature – I've been using time outs and a light spank on the bottom in rare cases (which I am now eradicating from my "toolkit"). Whenever I discipline my daughter in any way, I always explain to her what I have deemed as inappropriate and I try to give her examples of more acceptable behaviour in the future. Any act of discipline is always wrapped with how much I love her - always.

My three year old son is constantly pushing my 19 month old - how can I use positive discipline to nip the behavior in the bud? Should I use positive time-outs? I think he is old enough to understand what he is doing is wrong but he does not seem to listen when I talk to him about it - I really do not want this behavior to carry over into the classroom - can you help me?

Question:

Hi! I am the mother of a 3-year-old girl and a 6-month-old son. My question concerns my daughter. She is bright, curious, outgoing and extremely affectionate. However, since she was younger than one, she has always been prone to extreme tantrums

Question:

I have a 19-year-old son, who was fired from his job and just stopped going to community college twice. He was fired because instead of going to work, he stayed at his friend's birthday party. He spends his days at home in front of the computer, has no responsibilities except to take out the trash, which he does WHEN I ask him too. I just ordered your book on Positive Discipline for Teenagers and am hoping to find some answers because I'm quite concerned about his lack of motivation. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Hello Jane,

I have a 4.5 year old boy and he refuses to go to school. Actually it's a daycare program that's run by 2 of my best friends so I know it's a safe and loving environment. I enrolled him for 3 afternoons a week to socialize with other children his age and also to prepare him for kindergarten in the fall. He's never had issues with leaving us or being on his own until daycare. I am now attending daycare with him in order to help him feel safe and hopefully make it his decision to stay but this is costly because on top of the cost for school I am paying for a sitter for my other son at home.

Hi Jane,

My son has decided that he really likes cookies and prefers them over a lot of other foods. We often serve him his normal, healthy food and tell him that if he finishes it or eats a few more bites, he can have a cookie. The power struggle between us and him is getting more difficult and time consuming. It is frustrating because it is hard to communicate to a child why he should eat food that doesn't taste as good as cookies, I can definitely understand his view!

Dear Jane,

Please help me to help my grandson! He is only 26 months old and his parents decided to take him to a nursery although I personally think that he is not ready yet to deal with this experience, the way that is usually given to all children by the nurseries here in Cyprus.

Question:

I have just ordered Positive Discipline for Preschoolers and Positive Discipline the First Three Years but while I wait for the books to arrive I could really use some advice. I am a single mother of a 16-month-old girl. Her father has her occasionally but I am with her more or less 24/7 and sometimes I get really stressed out. My main problem is that she wants my attention all the time and if I don't give it to her she starts to cry and cry until I do something about it. I don't seem to have 1 second to myself and sometimes I get really frustrated.

Question:

Help! Jane I REALLY need your help. My 4-year-old daughter will not stop saying UGLY and I mean Ugly things to me when she does not get what she wants or when she does not get her way. I have recently purchased your book Positive Discipline. Maybe I have not read far enough on what I am to do. I can not tell you how much I love your advice so far, But I feel so out of control and it is really upsetting. If you have any words of wisdom for me I would REALLY appreciate it. Thank you so much for all that you do to help parents like me.

Question: Hello. I have two of your books - A to Z and PD for Preschoolers and neither quite addresses our issue. On the topic of hitting you say: When your preschooler hits you, decide what you will do instead of trying to control your child. Let her know that every time she hits you, you will leave the room until she is ready to treat you respectfully. After you have told her this once, follow through without any words. Leave immediately. The thing is, if I try to do this, my son chases me (and his dad) out of the room, hitting all the while. I cannot leave without him hot on my heels. If I remove him (pick him up), he is kicking and screaming and will only stay somewhere if I lock him in. How do I approach this? Thank you for your time. Caroline