Help I want her to be happy.
Thanks.
A.There are two factors to consider in the situation you describe.One factor is what your child does; the other factor is your response.First I will address what your child does.I'm sure you have heard it said many times that each child is unique.Obviously, she is very sensitive and slow to adapt.In our book, "Positive Discipline for Preschoolers" we include a chapter on the nine temperaments researched by Stella Chess and Alexander Thomas.Two of these temperaments (which are related to the behavior you describe) have to do with adaptability and quality of mood. Adaptability describes how a child reacts to a new situation over time, her ability to adjust and change.Some children adapt quickly.Others adapt slowly, if at all.Quality of Mood describes just that--moods.
Have you ever noticed how some children (and adults) react to life with pleasure and acceptance, while others can find fault with everything and everybody?One baby might favor her family with smiles and coos, while another feels compelled to cry a bit, just "because."It can be discouraging for parents and teachers to deal with a child who always looks on the dark side, but there are ways to both accept this temperament and help a child to face life more positively. So, your child seems to display a negative mood quality and slow adaptability.
It is important that you learn to act instead of reacting to her behavior.First, accept her for who she is and have faith in her to work things out in her own way.You will only frustrate yourself and your daughter if you show disapproval or disappointment in her behavior.Learn to say often, "I have faith in you that you can handle this in your own way and in your own time."
There are other things you can do.Let her know that some people need time to process before they work things out.Ask her if it would help her to create a special place to take some time out to calm down until she feels better.This special place might include soft pillows, books, a tape player for music, or quite games.You might also create a place for yourself.When you are feeling frustrated and are tempted to react to her behavior, it is okay to tell your child that you need to go to your special place until you can calm down and feel better. Do not try to solve any problems while she is upset.After she has had time to feel better, you might work with her on problem-solving.
Brainstorm with her on things she could do the next time she encounters a similar problem. If she starts being negative, say, "Sounds like we aren't ready to discuss this now. Let me know when you would like my help to find some solutions." If she is never ready, respect her right to feel that way.
Regarding her reluctance to go to school, many children have overcome their reluctance after a parent spent a day in their classrooms.Just being there to show support may be enough.On the other hand, you may observe other things that cause problems.If your child's teacher is too strict, she may need to be switched to a teacher who has more patience with unique personalities. Certainly it would be easier if your child was quick to adapt and had a more positive mood quality.Since she doesn't, having faith in her and in yourself will be nurturing to both of you.
