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Act Without Words for Teachers

Do you sometimes have the feeling that your students don’t hear a word you say? You are probably right—especially when a mistaken goal is involved.

Maya Angelou once shared, “I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

Rudolf Dreikurs shared “Making mistakes is human. Regard your mistakes as inevitable instead of feeling guilty, and you’ll learn better." Dreikurs’ perspective is supported by current day research. For example, Carol Dweck has found that students who perceive mistakes as opportunities to learn are more successful compared to students who avoid difficult tasks for fear of making mistakes. Dweck points out that students who are taught to embrace mistakes as opportunities develop strategies that lead to greater academic and personal success.

Last week during our class meetings, I noticed a disturbing habit developing among my students. Sometimes they don't want to switch seats and move away from their best friends, and sometimes they want to be the last one standing (when we do an activity that has us sit down after our turn). Then we talked about how this might make everyone else feel and how it might affect our class community. We agreed that this was a problem because it did not make everyone feel welcome. Finally, I asked them for suggestions to solve the problem.

Many of the following mistakes are made in the name of love. Too often we think we are helping our children when the long-term results of what we do may be discouraging. Other mistakes are made because we just don't know what else to do. Thankfully, one of the foundation principles of Positive Discipline is that "Mistakes are Wonderful Opportunities to Learn".

I'm a French as a Second Language teacher in the elementary school system in Toronto Ontario. I've been teaching French on rotary for 8 years. There have been many challenges and it has been 3 years that I have been using Positive Discipline in the Classroom to help with these challenges.

As a fourth grade teacher I rely heavily on Positive Discipline tools to help create a positive environment for learning in my classroom and help teach my students important life skills. The tools help me see everyday challenges as opportunities to teach.

The student who operates from the mistaken goal of assumed inadequacy (because of a mistaken belief about her capabilities) may not cause you many problems during the day, but may haunt you at night when you have time to think about how she seems to have given up. Unlike the student who says, "I can’t," just to get you to pay attention, the child operating from assumed inadequacy really believes she can’t.

If you feel hurt or find yourself saying, “I can’t believe he/she just did that,” this is your clue that the student's mistaken goal of the misbehavior is revenge. When people feel hurt, they hurt back (often without even realizing what they are doing). For the mistaken goal of Revenge, the student’s belief is “I don’t belong, and that hurts, so I’ll get even by hurting others.” The coded message that provides clues for encouragement is “I’m hurting. Validate my feelings.”

One of the most difficult classroom management challenges is avoiding power struggles. Remember, it takes two to engage in a power struggle. The Mistaken Goal Chart shows us that your feelings are the best clue to students’ mistaken goal. If you feel challenged or find yourself thinking something like “he/she is not going to win this”, we encourage you to stop, take a deep breath, and consider the student’s coded message.

Act Without Words for Teachers

Caring

4 Rs of Recovery From Mistakes

Problem Solving in the Classroom

The 10 Biggest Mistakes Parents Make

Classroom Jobs

Follow Through in the Classroom

Mistaken Goal of Assumed Inadequacy

Understanding the Mistaken Goal of Revenge

Avoiding Power Struggles in the Classroom

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