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Teaching Kids Emotional Regulation Skills

TANTRUMS! Ah, the tantrum. This is a sharp trigger for adults. Can we prevent them? Sometimes we can, on a really good day. But the truth is, sometimes they just need to FEEL, and this is their way of expressing their emotions.

Question:

I have 3 boys. The oldest is 12, the middle 11 and youngest 7. The middle child has ADHD. My oldest son is a bully to the middle child. My question is how do I handle my sons when they are bickering in front of their friends outside? For instance, my oldest son and friends wanted to play soccer and the middle one said, “I don't want to play,” and the oldest makes fun of him for not wanting to play the game and the neighborhood kids make fun also. This is an every other day occurrence. Thanks for your help in advance

Rudolf Dreikurs taught, “A child needs encouragement like a plant needs water.” In other words, encouragement is essential. Children may not die without encouragement, but they certainly wither. Since encouragement is so essential, it would be good for parents to know exactly what encouragement means and how to do it. Let’s start with what encouragement is not.

In the world of early childhood education, empowering children with important social and life skills is paramount. One powerful tool in achieving this is the "Wheel of Choice". This simple yet effective tool can be used both in the classroom and at home to foster decision-making skills and emotional regulation in young children.

In the symphony of parenting and teaching, the melody of empowerment plays a crucial role. Dr. Maria Montessori's wisdom guides us: "The secret of good teaching is to regard the child's intelligence as a fertile field in which seeds may be sown, to grow under the heat of flaming imagination." As we raise capable kids, we discover the transformative power of teaching practical life skills through joyful and purposeful routines.

We have become vividly aware of how skilled most of us are in using enabling responses with our children, and how unskilled we are in using empowering responses. Our definition of enabling is, ʺGetting between young people and life experiences to minimize the consequences of their choices.ʺ

Rudolf Dreikurs taught the importance of being both kind and firm in our relations with children. Kindness is important in order to show respect for the child. Firmness is important in order to show respect for ourselves and for the needs of the situation. Authoritarian methods usually lack kindness. Permissive methods lack firmness. Kindness and firmness are essential for Positive Discipline.

I received an email from a person who wondered about the differences between the many Positive Discipline books. My guess is that many people have the same question so I created this very brief thumbnail description.

An excerpt from Positive Discipline by Dr. Jane Nelsen

Mutual respect incorporates attitudes of: (1) faith in the abilities of yourself and others; (2) interest in the point of view of others as well as your own; and (3) willingness to take responsibility and ownership for your own contribution to the problem. The best way to teach these attitudes to children is by modeling them. You will see how the concepts of timing and winning cooperation can be merged with the concept of mutual respect.

The majority of discipline models practiced in homes and schools today are based on punishments and rewards. Positive Discipline is based on the Adlerian model of eliminating all punishment and rewards in favor of encouragement that addresses the basic needs of children to belong and feel significant. Our task is to help children find belonging and significance in socially useful ways.

Teaching Kids Emotional Regulation Skills

Bullying Siblings

Encouragement: What does it mean and how is it done?

Empowering Young Minds: Positive Discipline’s Wheel of Choice

Growing Capable Kids: Teaching Daily Life Skills with Joy using Positive Discipline in a Montessori Setting

Empowering Vs. Enabling

Kindness and Firmness at the Same Time

The Positive Discipline Books

Mutual Respect in the Classroom

HOW IS POSITIVE DISCIPLINE DIFFERENT?

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