Question:
It is only today that I've discovered your website, a day after my husband and I have already told our 11 year old son that as a consequence to two pretty severe behavioral issues, he was not going to be able to participate in an upcoming motorcycle race, or to sleep over at a friends' house for Halloween. I am now realizing after scouring your website, that taking away privileges, isn't the best method; and we certainly didn't agree in advance what limits would be set, and what would happen. My concern however, is that if we don't follow through with the "punishment" that has been set, that we will have totally missed an opportunity to impart the seriousness of his behavior, and our ability to stick to our plan. Help? Olivia
Answer:
Olivia, in my opinion you would be more effective and teach your child many valuable life skills by admitting you unknowingly made a mistake. Then let him know you would like to work WITH him to find a solution. Then ask him if he knows what his mistakes were, what he learned from them, and what ideas he has to solve the problems that would work better than punishment. I'm sure you can see how much more he will learn from this. Before you start, remember the new Positive Discipline theme: Connection before Correction. Let him know how much to love him before you start this conversation.
