Question:
Hi there,
My son is 8, going on 9. He is encopratic, and we are treating that. He has seen his physician, and I am non-judgmental about it and have a monthly budget for underpants. Your staff helped me identify this issue last year, and I am very grateful. My current concern is that he is just not very consistent about showering, tooth brushing and hand-washing. The problem has two sides, of course.
1) He should, as a matter of personal responsibility and health consciousness, keep his body clean and as germ-free as is reasonable for a child his age.
2) I don't want to lecture, admonish, or constantly remind him about it.
Fundamentally, we have had discussions about why it is important to have good hygiene habits. He has a good understanding of the reasons and can adequately explain the benefits of cleanliness, and the risks of germs from body waste, food and other people. I am trying to establish a routine. Currently there is one; He takes a shower and brushes his teeth, and washes his hands after toileting as long as I remind him.
I thought a video would be helpful, but the only ones I have found are for pre-school aged kids.
I am a pretty good researcher. As a parent, I have to be.
I have exhausted myself, searching on the internet, for an appropriate personal care/hygiene video for elementary to middle school-aged children. What do you suggest? Thanks for your help.
Dave
Answer:
Dave,
My name is Jody McVittie and I am part of the team that answers the website questions. I have 3 children of my own (ages 17, 14, and 12). Since I am a family doctor, I probably answered your question last year too.
I am glad that Justy is getting his bowels more regular. After a year of treatment most (but not all) kids should not be soiling anymore at all so I am a little concerned that you still need an "underpants" budget. I trust that you are working with his doctor.
Your next concern is about his general hygiene. You write "Justy should, as a matter of personal responsibility and health consciousness, keep his body clean and as germ-free as is reasonable for a child his age." I am not sure what your vision of this for an eight year old is, but taking showers without being reminded would be considered quite unusual for an 8 year old boy (and most girls). My point of view on this as a physician is that we as a community are a little bit obsessed with hygiene. Yes, it is important to wash your hands after you go to the bathroom (and for medical personnel to wash between EVERY patient)....but most of the "dirt" and "germs" in our community are not going to hurt anyone. Unless Justy or a family member is somehow immune compromised there is zero evidence that keeping ourselves "germ free" is at all beneficial. In fact, it may be beneficial to the immune system to get lots of little exposures to all kinds of things. This may help develop immunity to bacteria and viruses that are more disease causing. I am not sure what kind of messages you got growing up around cleanliness, but I think it might be very helpful to Justy if you just kept those to yourself, and continue to request that he wash his hands before eating and after he goes to the bathroom, brush his teeth daily and bathe 2 -3 times a week. That is really enough. (And yes, with an 8 year old, regular gentle reminding is appropriate. This stuff is just not on his radar screen yet.)
Now, having said that, something is going to happen to him around the age of 12 -14. He WILL (as long as you relax about this now and let it happen without comment or celebration or making a big deal about it) begin to develop more personal interest in how he looks, smells. He will likely shower once, maybe twice a day. That is the age when most boys start taking personal interest in their hygiene (unless they are in a power struggle with their parents about it...in which case they get more benefit from "not caring"). In our house the transition happened almost overnight for all three of our kids. We went from the standard "When are you planning on taking your shower, today or tomorrow?"...and then following through to buying a timer for the shower so they would limit them to ten minutes so that there would be hot water for the rest of us! We still occasionally remind them to come to the table with clean hands, or brush their teeth (growing up can be so distracting it is hard to remember everything all the time)...and sometimes they go to bed with dirty teeth or come to the table without having washed up....and we all forget. But for the most part they have developed the life skills to be healthy adults.
Don't worry about any videos. (There probably aren't very many, because they wouldn't have much effect anyway). Relax, have fun...and most importantly, have faith in Justy. Look for and enjoy his wonderful qualities. I am sure there are plenty.
Best wishes,
Jody McVittie
Certified Positive Discipline Associate.
