Question:
Que tal Jody:
Espero que estes muy bien y que te hayas llevado un buen recuerdo de nosotros en Coos Bay. Espero poder empesar a tenner mis propias clases de diciplina positiva en las proximas 2 o tres semanas y luego te cunto.
El motivo de mi carta es para pedite ayuda con mi Cecilia. Ella tiene 2 anos 1 semana y dormir es toda una pesadilla ppor lo que quiero que me ayudes.
Ay veces que no se duerme o que no la dejo dormir durante todo el dia y la hora de dormir es una tagedia.
Lo peor de todo es que despues de que final mente se duerme se despierta una hora o dos despues y qiere ponerse a jugar y yo estoy muy cansada. Trate el metodo sin palablas de mandarla a la cama, y en un noche me levante mas de la 20 veces que mencionas y llevamos dos semanas sin dormir; trate de acostarme con ella y en cuanto ciente que la cama se mueve es otro drama; finalmente aller me puse allorar y es la hora que no hemos dormido; no quero encerrarla en el cuarto porque se que no estabien y tampoco quiero que le tenga fobia a su cuarto; DIME QUE PUEDO HACER.
Por otro lado quisiera saver cuando nos mandan los libros que ordenamos, o si tuviste algun problema con el cheque, porque ordene el libro para ninod de0 a 3 y lo nesecito.
Espero que te puedas comunicar con migo y se que es una suerte extraordinaria que hayas venido a encenarnos el curso. Asta pronto. Gracias
att. Aurora
Answer:
Aurora,
I understand your question, but my Spanish is not good enough to explain the answer. So the answer will need to be in English.
First, it is normal for 2 year olds to struggle with their sleep routine. They are transitioning away from naps...and when they get one they just aren't tired and they are moving out of their crib so they can move around a lot more. So she is a normal child....but you definitely can make this better or worse by what you are doing. You know that even this behavior is a struggle for belonging and meaning...in a mistaken way. What are your feelings? I am guessing that you are experiencing some level of annoyance or are feeling worried or guilty...at least to begin with. Later when you are tired your feelings are different. My guess is that Ceci's mistaken belief (around these sleep issues) is: I belong when I can keep you busy with me. She also just plain likes to spend time with you....and it is hard to say goodbye for the night. So what do you do?
1. Pay attention to what is going on with you. Are you clear that you get enough time with her? Or do you have some ambivalence because you are worried she hasn't had enough "Mommy time?" If you are worried about that, she knows it and it feeds her mistaken beliefs and makes her behavior worse. If you don't think you have enough time with Ceci, fix the problem...either spend more time with her, or pay attention to yourself and figure out how to help yourself stop feeling guilty (Recognize that you cannot be a super mom, or a perfect mom...but that you are a good enough mom...and that is what Ceci needs and has.)
2. Let routines be the boss. Some day during the DAY talk to Ceci about bed time....and what the routine is. You can engage her in talking about what comes first and second etc. For example: First we eat dinner, and then what? And then after we have story time then what? And then after you brush your teeth etc.? Work with her to help her remember what the routine is. Then make a poster. For a child who doesn't read it has to be done with pictures. You can do this by either cutting pictures out of magazines or drawing pictures or (even more fun) taking pictures of her doing each activity. (Do the pictures during the day...so you role play the bed time routine...even getting in pajamas. Kids have quite a bit of fun with this). Families that have had their kids do each activity during the day for pictures sometimes go right to the one hour photo development so they can finish the project the same day. Then in the evening don't tell Ceci what to do next. Ask her what comes next. She can go to her pictures and figure it out.
3. The final step in the routine is going to bed. You can talk (still during the day) to her about how you cannot make her sleep, and if she wants to keep a light on for a little while to look at books or talk to her stuffed animals that is ok, but remind her that night time is for sleeping. Let her know that you will not talk to her after bed time. If she gets out of bed you will politely put her back because night time is for sleeping. You love to be with her...but during the day. Parents need sleep at night. If she wakes up in the night and gets out of bed you will also put her back. It is not because you don't love her anymore, but because you need to take care of yourself and have quiet time too, and time to talk to your husband so that you can feel good the next day too. It is hard for grownups to be woken up and feel good the next day.
4. When she gets out of bed, (and she will) kindly and firmly without any words, any admonishment, any emotion, pick her up and put her in her bed. The first several nights you do this, you will have to do it a lot. (If you need to, take turns with parents doing shifts so at least you get some sleep.) The KEY is not saying anything, not feeling guilty, not making her feel bad, but just doing the same thing over and over again. When we did this we found it effective to plan to go to bed early ourselves for a few nights. The house was dark, and our daughter came into our room and we quietly, and kindly and firmly gently picked her up and put her back in her own bed. It is not easy. Inside you can feel tired, annoyed, frustrated....but keeping yourself acting calm, kind and doing the same thing over and over works.
5. Privately expect and admire her creativity at keeping you busy with her. Some kids are great at this. They can think of the darndest ways to engage you...and they can be SOOOOOOO cute, or SOOOOOO aggravating that it is hard not to respond. Keep your resolve, stay kind and firm. It is important for her to be able to get to sleep and stay asleep...and it is a skill she will learn best sooner than later. It is a form of mutual respect. Respecting yourself and your need for quiet and rest..and respect for her need to do the same in a kind way.
6. Lastly, when you are grumpy the next day (because you still haven't slept) don't point it out to her or blame her for it. Be patient and realize that it won't take many days of this routine for everyone to get the sleep they need.
Best wishes! Jody McVittie
