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Is Positive Discipline Permissive?

Question:

I love your books! They have taught me so much about parenting in a non putative way, very different from the way I was raised. I have two daughters 12 and 14, and my husband has two sons 11 and 15. He has an authoritarian mindset when it comes to discipline, and I am using the Positive Discipline techniques I learned from you. My daughters are used to the positive approaches I use, and when we blended they were shocked and resentful of their stepfather's approach. I have shown him your book and he agrees with some things, but other things he thinks are ridiculous, that they are too permissive and lets children do what they want. I have expressed my concerns with his approach with my daughters but he feels he should not have to change. I then resorted to asking him to just back off from disciplining my daughters because I am uncomfortable with his methods, and that I would handle the disciplining of the girls, and he refused. I am getting no where. Any thoughts?

Three-year-old Love/Hate Relationship with Baby Brother

I have a 3-year-old daughter and 7-month-old son. Until now my daughter has been really gentle with the baby but in the last couple of weeks she has been "testing" out being a bit rougher with him (pinching his cheeks, hugging him a bit too tight, giving him a kiss but holding on until he cries.)

I See It, I Want It, I Take It

Question:

My three year old started preschool last year at age 2 and with that came the "take it" behavior. I see it, I want it, and I take it no matter who is playing with it. She will play tug of war with her friends over whatever it is until one of them wins. Push her way in to take a stroller from someone. If she loses the battle, she doesn't cry, fit or otherwise react, she just moves on to something else. How can I work with her to realize it isn't appropriate behavior to take toys from other people?

When is a Child Old Enough to Choose?

We seem to be having morning issues with my three-year-old daughter. She wanted to wear a dress this morning even though it was a little chilly out. My husband put pants and a shirt on her and she was practically convulsing on the floor in anger. Do you think a three year old should be able to choose her clothes for the day? Thanks for any help that you can offer.

Lazy Child or Normal Child?

I am an American living in Germany and have been buying your books. They are great books with wonderful ideas, and I have had some success using the suggestions. Unfortunately real life cannot be completely covered in a book, and so I have a question. I have browsed through the previous questions but have not found anything to help.

You Can’t Give Your Children Self-Esteem

Many parents say, “I want to give my children self-esteem.” However, you can’t “give” self-esteem to any one. Self-esteem is personally developed from within. Even that is not entirely true. Have you ever noticed how fleeting is self-esteem? One minute you feel really great about yourself. Then someone criticizes you or you make a mistake and criticize yourself. Suddenly your self-esteem is in the pits.

My son keeps saying I don’t love him

Question:

I recently bought the Positive Discipline A-Z book I have enjoyed reading it and learning from it. Recently my 5 year-old-son has not stopped saying, "You don't love me." What is it that is making him feel that way, or what can I improve on to make him feel different? I have tried in every possible way to make him feel love. Please help

Child Won’t Eat Without Being Nagged

We have a family dinner time, in which we are supposed to sit down together and eat and talk and share our day. My 4-year-old does not eat with out being nagged at and/or fed. He plays around until my husband gets upset and we both end up telling him over and over and over to eat, then I usually shovel a few bites in his mouth, with his resistance, and I call it good.

MORNING POWER STRUGGLES AGAIN

Hi Jane,

We’ve emailed before, and I have implemented many of your techniques, although I seem to forget them at times and at those times, things usually go south quickly. This morning, for instance, I told my 3 1/2 year old that if she could not be responsible and act like a big girl by brushing her teeth, she would not be able to participate in soccer today, which is the first day of many over the coming weeks. She refused to brush her teeth, crossed her arms and said “no!”

Family Meeting Gone Bad

Hi Jane,

I was hoping you could help me out here.

In the beginning of Chapter 9 "Family Meetings" in your book "Positive Discipline" there is an example of a family who came up with a solution to things not being picked up, cleaned up, etc. They used a plan with a "safe deposit box" where anyone could pick up something left on the floor and put it in this box in the garage, where contents would be on hold for one week.

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