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Peace
For the
past few years, I've taken a yoga class once or twice a
week. The exercise is wonderful and has allowed my tired
back to tolerate golf, skiing, and too much sitting
without pain. But what I truly love is the ability to
breathe, to center myself, and for an hour at a time, to
feel at peace with myself and the
world.
I went to yoga
just after hearing the news about the World Trade Center
tragedy. Many of the people in the class had not heard,
and we were all chattering away with a great deal of
agitation. As we began our warm-ups, my yoga teacher,
who is possibly the most serene, self-possessed person I
know, said something both simple and profound. "Peace in
the world," she said, "begins with peace inside each one
of us. And that is something we can
do."
She's right. But
there's more to it than that. Peace in our community,
our nation, and our world also begins with peace in our
homes. And as parents, that is also something we can do.
"How?" you may be asking. Not surprisingly, I have some
suggestions:
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First, stop yelling. Kids tell me on a regular basis
that a teacher or parent "yelled" at them. I've found
that they often aren't referring to the decibel level of
the communication, although goodness knows adults raise
their voices all too often. "Yelling" to kids simply
means scolding them in an unpleasant tone of voice. They
dread it, and most of them learn to respond by yelling
back.
Think for a moment:
are you generally more willing to cooperate and help out
when someone speaks to you in an unpleasant way, or when
you are spoken to calmly? Kids are no different: parents
usually yell because they are frustrated or angry, but
it is ineffective. And it makes our homes noisy,
unpleasant places to live. Start listening to yourself:
if you're feeling really brave, ask your kids to listen,
too, and to let you know when you're yelling. Then stop.
That's all: take a time out for yourself if you need
one, but stop yelling. Your home will immediately become
a more peaceful and welcoming
place.
Second,
practice the art of mutual respect. Adults sometimes
struggle with the idea that they should respect their
children, but you might be surprised at how much more
willing children are to respect you when they are
treated with dignity and kindness. Not only that, you
may be surprised at how much more willing they are to
help out when they feel a sense of belonging and
acceptance. Children aren't equal to adults in rights,
privileges, or responsibilities, but they are equal in
human worth and dignity. Treat your children with
respect and you may discover more coming back to
you. |
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Third, listen.
Listen a lot. Listen to words and facial expressions and
body language. Listen with your lips together, and when
your child or partner has finished speaking, ask, "Is
there anything else you want to tell me?" Families often
complain that they can't communicate, but they rarely
have trouble talking–in fact, sometimes everyone talks
at once. Learn to listen with your heart, and the people
you love are likely to feel understood. That in itself
is a small miracle.
If
you are at peace, and you can create peace in your home,
we may be able to create peace in our schools. And peace
in our community. Who knows what might happen after
that?
Cheryl Erwin.
Past Articles
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